March 29, 2010

Manager's Special Doughnuts

I like doughnuts.

So much so, I spell the word doughnuts, instead of donuts. Could also be that donuts reads like do-nuts. Which has this homoerotic quality to it that dosn't appeal to me. If it appeals to you, fine. Do nuts. Go nuts with yer do nuts.

One of my favoritest things is a doughnut and a great cup of coffee. There is virtually nothing, nothing, that can keep me from enjoying a fresh doughnut and a fresh, hot cup of joe on a cool morning. Outside with a great view if I am really lucky.

Thanks to vast amounts of self control, I look to the heavens and thank ? for giving me the willpower to resist this dreamy combination. Mostly.

That said, manager's special baked goods are what, like one or two days old and half price or whatever. There's a guy in the office and, bless him, has gotten into almost a habit of bringing in a box of the manager's specials every other day.

I am not complaining.

Honestly. It's a nice gesture and some of the folks here in the outlands do or don't seem to mind and gulp down one or two of the suckers. I'll admit, I partook once. Once. And it sucked. My. Ass.

Not only was the doughnut kinda firm and vurrry dry, it led to a great deal of disappointment in myself. Through the cellophane window the pastries were very appealing. Once in hand, they were less appealing as food and more as hockey pucks or weapons. So I have to convince my doughnut-wanting brain that these doughnuts will not do for me all of the wonderful, pleasurable things a a fresh doughnut will do. And it's a bitch convincing myself.

While I am not dieting per se, I watch what I eat, and that is more than just viewing my loaded hand as it leaves the plate and carries food to my gaping mouth. I no longer have the metabolism of a teenager, and it took too long to lose the 10 sympathy pounds I slapped on when Wifey was pregnant with Smarty Pants.

Mostly I try and do a couple of things:

- I eat when I am hungry. Which means a LOT of snacking on fruit, vegetables, nuts and protein shakes. It keeps the metabolism fire at least smoldering.
- I look at what I eat and determine if it is worth the calories. Let me explain. If there is a fresh, blueberry doughnut and some coffee in front of me, I'm not going to deny myself that. Unless it is every day then get a fucking hold of myself... Conversely, a store-bought chocolate cake can be avoided. Sure, it's good, but it doesn't pump my nads enough to feel good about eating it afterwards.
- Moderation. I love McDonalds fries. But that shit makes you want more and more. It's like sex. But makes you fat and then kills you. So maybe it's like sex with a black widow spider. I've just gotten into the habit of ratcheting back on the size of the fries and sodas. I don't deny, I moderate.
- I drink a LOT of water. Usually with a mineral supplement to keep my electrolytes up.
- And I guess I exercise. A little. Really. I don't kill myself training. But I probably do more than most people.

So what is the point of all this? Right now I weigh nearly what I did ten years ago. I feel good. Admittedly, I feel hungry often. It's just the small, healthy meals/fiery metabolism thing. But it's actually good because hunger is such a basic, consuming need that it keeps my mind on track. I focus better. Instead of going in a million different directions, I focus on hunger and a couple of other things. That's it.

Oh, I guess the real point here is this. Buy fresh doughnuts half as often as the manager's specials. It will cost you the same and I'd feel good about consuming one, just one of those circular little bastards.

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