June 30, 2011


One of the few things the people I bought my house from blessed us with is a strawberry patch. Though not huge, it provides us with enough of the seedy little nibbles for about a month or so every year. We don't get enough to do anything like canning or jamming (metal kick), but I do end up eating more waffles and french toast this time of year.

The trouble is, something else likes my strawberries. I'll frequently wander out to the patch in my manties in the morning (neighbors be damned), clutching a cup of joe (double damned), to get a handful of strawberries for my breakfast. I end up tossing a fair number of berries because they are half devoured. I never knew what was assaulting my treats until yesterday. Sow bugs. Roly Polys. Potato bugs. These multi-legged throwbacks to the paleolithic period are burrowing into the fruit of my garden's loins. Them and their blobulous little sluggy buddies.

Bastards. I think Smarty Pants, lover of all things armored and segmented, said it best after inspecting the nibbly damage they had caused. " Darn roly polys. I just don't think I can ever forgive them."

Damn straight, kid. So what's a guy to do when his labor of love is getting overrun by living ooze and tiny armadillos? Not sure. I hate insect sprays on the garden because I like to just pick and eat. Napalm is out. And it isn't like I despise all bugs. Just the ones that eat my fruits and veggies.

Or I could just coexist. (Insert sudden thought of the Coexist bumper sticker spelled out with fruit, bugs and the "O" as a no sign with pesticide.) Ha. Funny shit. They don't do much damage I guess. Now if the little bastards start on my potatoes or carrots, that will be different. Or earwigs (hated, vile creatures they are) get into my corn again. I'm just going to keep that napalm option open...

June 28, 2011

Does this Jersey Make Me Look Fat?

With summer finally coming to Utah, I have been making some occasional forays into exercise. It hasn't been easy. The getting out and enjoying the sun has been easy, it's the exercise itself that has been the toughie. My legs are killing me. No speed. No endurance. Both combine to make the Morgan (gulp) Marathon I am signed up for appear daunting. Tough course, light on fitness. It's going to be a slog. But, it's free because I won an entry. Heck, maybe I won't even finish this one. Or maybe I will. I dunno. I am hoping to make it under 4.5 hours.

So I am out riding the other day, on my way to East Canyon spillway. I catch my shadow on the road and notice I still have a little hair out the back of the lid. Then I remember I have on my white and pink Fat Cyclist jersey. And I haven't exactly been hittin' the weight room lately... and I start to wonder if I look like a woman. Long-ish hair, narrow shoulders, pink on my shirt... and it did seem like I was getting a little more room from passing cars. This is what I think about on road rides. Plus a bunch more stuff that I can't recall because I forget by the time I get back. But let me assure you there is some mind-blowing, world-saving shit going on in my head when I ride. And when I shower. I think of a lot of great stuff in the shower. I thought up a new ad campaign in the shower and now it is in national magazines. All while I am in lycra. Or naked and soapy with a shampoo mohawk.

Other than the Morgan Marathon, I don't really have any events that I am solid on. Mainly because work is nutzo and home projects are rampant and I just don't dare commit to anything too difficult. There are some trail runs out there. Maybe one of the Bear Lake triathlons - provided I do some swimming. If I do start swimming regularly, XTERRA is an option. At least the sprint. Regardless, now that the weather is looking warm I am just stoked to be training, even if it is for nothing particular. And that is my goal, to be fit enough to go and do any event, within reason, without gobs of specific training.

My run training for the marathon has increased. Unfortunately, I miss some runs that I normally get to do on my lunch break because I am just too dang busy to feel good about going. My pace has been slow, but in retrospect I think it is because I am tired from biking or longer runs. I had a shorter run last week and it kicked ass. But I ran 12 on Sunday and felt like shit. But I rode 40 miles the day before. I think that good training, with a short taper and some good rest before the marathon, and careful pacing will have me finishing and not hating myself.

I really need to lose 10 pounds. My jerseys are kinda tight...