February 1, 2010

The Importance of Gear Inspection

Things wear out. When they do, you replace them. Socks to jeans, cars to microwaves. Mostly replacement is a nuisance because with most stuff there is no excitement. That is the beauty of bicycling, or any sport that gives you a visceral reaction. When a bike part wears out or breaks you get the opportunity to upgrade. There is no passion replacing the drain pump in the washer. You don't go looking for a washer pump with a titanium impeller to increase drainage infinitesimally. But a new handlebar... now, that's something.

But I digress. I should be discussing the importance of gear inspection. Yeah, you should check the oil in the car and air up the tires and stuff or risk calamity - as I mentioned previously. But this is about the neat shit, like bikes. Or, in this instance, swim trunks.

Looking for any way to improve the way I feel about swimming, if not actually improving my abilities, I took the plunge last year and bought the extended Speedo® for swim practice, frequently called Jammers. I figured why not. I rock lycra shorts - hell, bib shorts even - on the bike all summer. While I didn't notice any improvement, I pretend I did.

Which, at long last leads me to gear inspection.

The other day I pulled my jammers out of the washer and went to hang them up. While attaching them to the hanger I noticed some flaky white stuff on the shorts in the region that would be on the crack of my ass. On inspection I noticed the elastic has eroded, likely due to a combination of pool water and my ass cheeks rubbing on it, and I could almost see completely through the stretchy fabric. Which meant, that for an unknown length of time, I have been torturing the poor people at the Roy Complex with my butt crack.


After letting the shorts dry, I slid them on and bade Wifey to come hither and inspect the tox. Fortunately. Fortunately, though the fabric is thin the darkness of the chASSm hides any obvious signs. While this, and my muffin top, may keep me from being offered a spread in Playgirl®, I was overjoyed to learn I had not been flashing the cadre of over 70 ladies doing water aerobics. I am certain they are also.

Gear inspection people. Get in the habit.

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